


The Incomprehensible Words You Left In Me

by 2hyunlove



Series: The Moments Where You and I Exist [6]
Category: NU'EST
Genre: Character Death, Fantasy War AU, Jisung and Minki do not have major parts, M/M, Violet Evergarden AU, You might need tissues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-05-27 10:18:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15022469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2hyunlove/pseuds/2hyunlove
Summary: For someone who had lived with the ravages of war his whole life, Hwang Minhyun does not know what to do with himself when peace finally settles. That is, until he is caught by three incomprehensible words that seem so familiar and at the same time so uniquely alien - "I love you."





	The Incomprehensible Words You Left In Me

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off of the Violet Evergarden anime. So if you've read it, you don't have to read this introduction note :) If you have not, I just have to explain what I meant by "copyist". In the world built in Violet Evergarden, there is a certain profession called "Auto Memories Doll", mostly filled by women. I've used the term "copyist" because it's easier to take in. Copyists use typewriters to write letters for those who cannot do so themselves, deciphering the client's true feelings and expressing them in the letter.

The shadows dance on cobblestoned streets as the wind blows through the oil lamps, making the flames flicker and gutter low. Minhyun walks in silence with Yoon Jisung after dinner. It wasn't a comfortable silence but it wasn't as uncomfortable as some walks Jisung has been on. Jisung senses MInhyun slowing down his pace and thinks that maybe it was time for the other to finally say what's been on his mind since Minhyun had invited Jisung to dinner. 

“I want to become a copyist in your company, Lieut--” The tsk-ing sound from Jisung makes Minhyun change the appellation he had been about to say, “President Yoon, if you would let me.”

“A copyist?” Jisung says slowly, rolling the words on his tongue, his upper lip jutting out like a duck in his puzzled bewilderment.

Minhyun nods as he looks down on his hands. “My hands are still recovering from my burns but I think operating a typewriter would not be as much a challenge as writing would be.” 

“No, that's not what I meant, Minhyun.” Jisung soothes, scratching his head in consternation. “What I wanted to ask is why you want to do this work. You know what copyists do, right? They write letters for people who, for various reasons, cannot write it themselves. In some cases, people are even unable to convey what they really want to say so copyists must learn to interpret the emotions people want to convey.”

“I know.” Minhyun says simply.

Jisung sighs. “To be frank, I don't think you are up to that task. Minhyun, you've been in the army since you were a child. You spent your life following orders, grisly orders that would make ordinary people run. There is...something missing in you right now that I am not sure you want to find.”

“Why?”

“Because, my dear boy,” Jisung begins, throwing Minhyun a slightly pitying look, “learning about emotions, learning about new things, will open up a dam you never thought you had. It might be easier for you to live without knowing it. You do not realise it now, but your stint in the army has left your body full of wounds, wounds that constantly bleed remembering the acts you have committed.”

Minhyun blinks in confusion, surveying his whole body with an impassivity and calmness reminiscent of a statue, as if assessing his condtiion before he speaks up. “I don't have any open wounds.”

“I don't mean literally.” Jisung says dryly.

“I do not have a fever nor do I have any existing wounds save for the extensive burns on my arms and hands, President Yoon. You are not making sense.”

Jisung shakes his head and crosses his arms. “Trust me, you have more wounds and scars on you than even you know.” He says firmly. Jisung has seen Minhyun since he was a child. Once on the training field, bloodied and bruised and exploited, a young boy of eight with a blank mask, taught to fight and follow orders. Minhyun had been called a machine then, an unemotional killing machine who did not blink at killing in cold blood. He had seen him then and felt a twinge of guilt at not doing anything to help. 

He saw Minhyun again a second time, shadowing Kim Jonghyun like a well-trained pet. Jisung had let out a sigh of relief then, because of all the officers in the current army, Jonghyun was the most compassionate (if slightly emotionally constipated). 

Jisung's family and Jonghyun's family have been friends since Jisung could remember and he grew up watching the younger man. In Jisung's opinion, Jonghyun did not fit the rigors of war and the army. He was a gentle soul, thrust into the army by a military dynasty family and forced to fit in. Jisung had feared for the other but Jonghyun showed a resilience that surprised Jisung, rising up in the ranks of the military, even while retaining his inner self.

When Jisung heard that Minhyun had been assigned to Jonghyun, he'd hoped that by being at Jonghyun's side, Minhyun would learn about the more gentler side of humanity.

Jisung wonders if this is the right path. The many injuries Minhyun doesn't know he carries...Jisung doesn't know if the emotionally underdeveloped man would be able to bear it should he realise.

“Let me become a copyist.”

“Why are you so damn insistent?”

 

Ƹ̡ӜƷ ̵Ƹ̡ӜƷ ̵Ƹ̡ӜƷ

It's early in the morning. The office isn't opened yet but Minhyun, so used to being awake at the crack of dawn in the army, is making himself useful by wiping down the windows of the reception area when a customer had come into the reception timidly. He was a nondescript fellow, dusty, as if he had walked the whole way from his house to here. This man looked so out of place and uncomfortable that Minhyun wondered why the man even came.

“E-excuse me, I know it's quite early, but is there a copyist available?” The man ventured, asking Minhyun hesitantly.

“The office opens at exactly 8 AM.”

“I know.” The man said softly, “but I have work by then and I really want to have this done. It's...important.”

Minhyun opened his mouth to reply but before words could come out, Minki, Jisung's head copyist, sweeps into the room and answers instead. “Good Morning Good Sir, I heard you needed a copyist? Follow me, please.”

Minki glides through and imperiously crooks a finger at Minhyun as he passes Minhyun by. “You come along too, you might as well.”

They reach the copyist room, Minhyun sitting down unobtrusively next to Minki as he watches Minki settle the customer down on his seat and fixing his typewriter as he made small talk with the man. “So, what sort of letter are we looking at making today, good sir? Minki says cheerily, nodding at the man.

The man hemmed and hawed, his face turning red as he responds to Minki's queries, his fingers twisting the handkerchief in his hands. “Um, you see, there's this childhood friend I have...in the countryside. I...I haven't seen her for so long because I have to go to the city to work, you see. Yesterday...yesterday I heard that she received a marriage offer from another man.”

“Ah.” Minki's soft exclamation comes just after the man stops talking. “And may I inquire on the young lady's name?”

”Sylvia.”

“Uh-hmmn. To My Dearest Sylvia,” Minki intones, typing as he does so, giving the man a look of encouragement. “Tell me about her, and what you want to tell the young lady?”

“My dearest Sylvia, you were the first person who was kind to me.”

The words dropping from man's lips hit Minhyun with a certain nostalgia and he remembers being pulled into Kim Jonghyun's arms the first time he was introduced to him.

_“Captain Hyerin Kim, your brother is here to see you.”_

_Minhyun remembers hearing the scrape of the door opening and the sound of movement as the sound of people talking filters ito the storage room that he has been chucked in. It doesn't interest him, so he let's the wave of noise pass over him, only half-listening as he crouches inside the suffocating heat of the canvas cloth thrown over him._

_“Jonghyun~ how nice to see you. How have you been? You look sooooo disgruntled all the time, don't you like visiting your noona?” The voice of the vindictive female greets someone._

_“I came here because I wanted to say my piece on your recent plan, noona. This isn't a social call. These plans of yours...they're so brutal. Father would not have approved at all, if he was still alive he would probably have run you down with his saber.”_

_“Huh as if I'd let him.”_

_“You're always the same, noona.”_

_“Whatever. I'm glad the old fart died.”_

_“I'm sorry, Jonghyun, stop making that face. Cheer up! I brought you something nice to celebrate your promotion, you know.”_

_The footsteps move towards Minhyun's direction then and he tenses slightly. “This was veeeeeery hard to get, I went to great lengths to procure this for you, especially after I heard that you'd be deployed in the frontlines. Only use it as a weapon, NEVER get attached. First rule, ok, my dear baby brother?”_

_Minhyun can sense that the female's heavy boots have stopped just inches from his foot. “Here we are! Open it, open it.” she said excitedly. There was a period of palpable silence in which Minhyun surmised that the other hesitated, but soon the sound of footsteps come near him and he feels the tug of the canvas sliding away from his body._

_A sharp intake of breath._

_“Oi, Get up.” The female nudges him with her boots, hate lacing her words so palpably. Minhyun ignores her, turning his eyes instead to the boy beside her. He could not have been more than Minhyun's age. Eighteen? Nineteen, at most. He had rounded eyes that made Minhyun think of prey, like deer caught by surprise. Minhyun expected hate or revulsion in the eyes looking at him but after the initial surprise, it was replaced by something else that Minhyun could not understand._

_“Don't disobey me, you filth.” The woman half-shouts, preparing to kick Minhyun, as she had done for the past few days that he'd been in her custody and Minhyun braces for the impact. But the calculated impact at the time that Minhyun would have expected, never came. Two arms had enveloped him and a muted thud as well as a grunt of expelled air was all that Minhyun felt._

_Minhyun blinked in surprise._

_“Oh my God! Jonghyun-ah, why DID you do that? Are you ok?” The woman almost screeches but the boy doesn't even turn to look, giving Minhyun a warm, shy smile._

_“You're safe.” The warmth in his voice enveloped Minhyun like a blanket. “What's your name?”_

_“He doesn't have a name.” The woman sniffs, sounding offended at the boy's blatant move to ignore her. “I've just been calling him 'you'.”_

_“Noona, you shouldn't treat people like that.” The boy says exasperatedly, still looking at Minhyun with his warm, friendly eyes._

_“He's not a person, Jonghyun. He's a tool. A very deadly one. This is the 'battle doll of Leiden' everyone's been talking about.”_

_“That's enough, Noona.” The boy said firmly, waving at Minhyun, “Hey, I know I'm a stranger, but it's easier if I can call you by name, isn't it? We can't be friends if I don't know your name.”_

_“Minhyun. My name is Minhyun.”_

 

“You opened my eyes to things I wouldn't have considered.”

_Minhyun remembers the first time Major Kim taught him how to read and write, inside the hazy, smoke-filled tent with the oil lamp flickering dimly. The Major had made him read the tattered books he had brought with him every night before moving on to writing. He recalls how patiently Major Kim taught him each stroke and line, insisting he get it right even as Minhyun's battle-stiffened fingers refused to obey him._

_“I don't need to write to kill people.” Minhyun had told the Major matter-of-factly._

_“Minhyun-ah, you're not just a war tool. Here, this is how you spell your name.” In the major's clean writing, the letters M-I-N-H-Y-U-N were clearly spelt. “It's a pretty name isn't it? It means somewhere out there, there was a mother who loved you enough to give you this name. Let's grow beautifully into it until you can be as pretty as your name, Minhyun-ah?”_

_Minhyun had grunted._

_“You're so stubborn. Someday, this war will end and writing will help you in the outside world.” The major had nudged his arm then, “You missed a curve on that p, correct it, please.”_

_Minhyun had sighed._

_“From now on, hand in a daily report of your day. It'll help you practice writing.”_  
_“This is a waste of my time.” Minhyun tells the major. “I would be better serving you if I clean the blood off our uniforms for hygienic purposes.”_

_“Do it for me, Minhyun-ah.”_

 

The sound of the typewriter and Minki's voice dictating the words that he had written for the man is so soft and constant that it lulls Minhyun. 

“Sylvia, You were everything to me.”

_Dust rises up with each step that Minhyun takes, blanketing the town a hazy brown though no one seems to notice. The Leidenschaftlich army has just recently freed their town from the enemy and everyone was out frolicking in the street._

_“This, you did this Minhyun.” The Major said, smiling warmly at Minhyun.”This city was occupied by enemy forces for five years but they've finally been liberated. You know, there is a thanksgiving tradition here to give gifts to those you are thankful to. So, Minhyun, to thank you for your contribution to their freedom, do you have anything you want? I'll buy it for you.”_

_“Something I want?”_

_“Yes, anything you want.”_

_“Is that an order?”_

_“No, it's not. I want to convey my gratitude to you for always having my back and helping in battle.”_

_“But there is no need for thanks. This is my job.”_

_The major sighs. “Minhyun-ah, how many times must I tell you, I would like you to think yourself as a human being. Not like some tool.”_

_“Ah.” Minhyun had not understood but he tried. “Major, what am I suppose to want?”_

_Major Jonghyun blinks. “Well...I suppose, if it was me, a new book maybe? Or a new pen?”_

_“Then I want a new book.”_

_“Minhyun-ah, you should not say things just because you think they are what I want you to say. Come, let's walk awhile, maybe you'll see something you want.”_

_Something caught Minhyun's eye and he had stopped. It took a few minutes before the Major realises that he's not three paces behind the Major and the quiet “What's wrong, Minhyun?” accompanied by the questioning glance the Major throws his way as he half-turns towards Minhyun._

_Minhyun pointed to the object that had caught his attention._

_“Hmmn, it's a beautiful brooch isn't it?”_

_“Beautiful? I've never heard of this word before. What does it mean?”_

_“It means something that pleases your senses. So, this one?” Major Jonghyun holds up an onyx brooch. “Are you sure you don't want to get something more colorful?”_

_“No, I want this one.” The onyx brooch that twinkled with the color of the night sky sparkled with hidden depths like the Major's eyes. Minhyun had thought the major's eyes were beautiful the first time he'd met the Major but he'd never known the word beautiful before so he had never used it. “This is the most beautiful one.”_

 

“I would have done anything for you.”

_Minhyun remembers that time in Capria, the eve before their first battle together. Major Kim had sported such a concerned look as he asked Minhyun to wait by the side of the Command tent. Minhyun thinks that the major never realised how thin the tent walls are and how easily he could hear what was being said._

_“I'm not taking Minhyun with me to the frontlines. He's too unstable.” Minhyun hears the Major's strong pronouncement._

_“Major Kim, this is an order from the Top Brass. You have a very advantageous tool, use it. You've seen what he can do on the training grounds.”_

_“Just take her with you and use him. He was an orphan anyway, no one is going to miss him. He's disposable asset.”_

_“He isn't mentally ready.”_

_“He's been through battles even before you came into the army, little Major. He's the best we have at killing. So stop this delusion of yours that you're protecting something because you are not.”_

_“The way you all think disgusts me. I am his commanding officer and if I say he isn't ready then he isn't. If you find something wrong with my decision and how I will conduct this operation, then please file an insubordination warrant against me. Until then, Minhyun will NOT be joining the frontlines.”_

_Amidst the outraged shouts, the major sweeps through the flaps with a quick stride, dragging Minhyun's arm with a murmured “Let's go”._

_Minhyun debated whether to say something or if the Major had intended for him not to hear. The Major was in charge of a covert operation to incapacitate the cannons that were wreaking havoc on the Leiden soldiers on the frontline. Not only were they heavily outnumbered, they had the disadvantage of being the invading force besieging a city. The Major needs this victory or the Leiden soldiers' morale would drop further, leading to a loss in the war._

_“Major, as the invading force besieging a city, we're at a very precarious position. It's a war of attrition. You need every man you can spare.”_

_Jonghyun's heartfelt sigh as he throws Minhyun an injured look is lost on Minhyun. “Not you too. Look, it's not nice to eavesdrop, Minhyun-ah.”_

_“Tent fabric isn't very soundproof, Major.”_

_“Fine. In any case, you aren't joining the fight. You're staying in your tent. Don't move until I get back. That's an order, understand?”_  
_“Major, the soldiers are ready.”_  
_“I'll be right there.” Jonghyun tells the soldier before turning back to Minhyun with a firm “Stay, Minhyun.”_

_Everyone has always said, behind Minhyun's back, how Minhyun was more of a robot than a person. He took orders and carried it out with precision, neither blinking at the intensity or horror of the acts he had been asked to do. But tonight, it took everything in Minhyun to ignore Jonghyun's orders._

_As soon as Jonghyun was out of sight, Minhyun had stealthily slipped out of his tent. He knew, from the maps Jonghyun had in the room, the exact coordinates and Jonghyun's plans of attack so he took a different route. When Minhyun finally rendezvous'd with Jonghyun's company, it was to find complete chaos._

_“MAJOR! MAJOR! They've seen us!”_  
_“Major, they're firing at squads 1 and 2!”_  
_“Squad 3 is down. What will we do?”_

_An enemy soldier threw a knife in Jonghyun's direction and suddenly there was no time for Minhyun to think, only act as he took the knife meant for Jonghyun, angling just right for it to hit the fleshy part of his leg. There was no hesitation in him as a red haze seemed to settle over his vision. He started shooting people, punching, kicking, thrusting a knife through critical body parts, all the while making sure that Jonghyun was safe._

_He didn't remember much in the flurry of activity but he did remember the sad look Jonghyun had thrown his way when the battle ended and Minhyun had walked towards Jonghyun soaked in the blood of his enemies._

_“You cannot ask me to stand by and let you die.”_

“Sylvia, don't throw me away. I don't want to be without you.”

_Minhyun remembers. He remembers blood pooled on the cold cement of the staircase. He remembers the Major's uneven, shallow breathing as he fought to breath through broken ribs, Minhyun could see the blood trickling down the wound where the enemy soldier had shot through the Major's right eye, and all the while, Minhyun remembers the Major smiling at him, even as Minhyun stumbles and looses his hold on the Major._

_“Minhyun. That's enough.”_

_“But...”_

_The major shook his head, sliding down on the semi-intact wall on legs that seemed to have no strength left in them. “Your arms and hands are too badly burned, Minhyun. And I've lost too much blood. I'm deadweight at this point. Just...run ok? And...and when you get out of here...live...live and be free.”_

_Minhyun wants to say no, wants to try and pull the major to safety but he knows Jonghyun is right. They've taken too many wounds and someone needed to survive to Central Command about the situation. His mind buzzes from panic._

 

“I want to know what you're feeling. Eventhough we are apart now...I...love you.”

I love you. Minhyun's attention snaps to the three words as Minki softly asks the customer, “How is that?” 

The customer is obviously elated, he beams at Minki, nodding so vehemently that his hat falls off.

I love you. 

Minki carefully slides the note into an envelope along with a bill of sale, handing it to the customer with a small smile. “Please go to the reception on the first floor for the delivery process. Thank you for using Yoon's Postal Copying Services.”

The man bows again, his happiness radiating off him in waves as he closes the door firmly. The heavy oak door barely closes when Minhyun asks Minki urgently.

“How did you know?” 

“Huh?”

“How did you know that the man just now wanted to say 'I love you.'”

“It was written on his face for all to see. I've been doing this for ten years. After awhile, you just know.” Minki says shrugging.

You just know.

 

Ƹ̡ӜƷ ̵Ƹ̡ӜƷ ̵Ƹ̡ӜƷ

“Why are you so damn insistent?”

Minhyun has always just followed Jonghyun's orders in the past.Everyone said he didn't have a heart and that he was only a tool. But one person had tried to help him regain his humanity. 

“Because I want to know.” Minhyun half-shouts, startling at the intensity of his reply before he continues, calmer this time. “When I saw Minki do his work, he was able to understand what his customer wanted to say. He said...”

“He said I love you.” Minhyun says, gripping his fingers on his pants legs. “I love you...the Major told me this after he gave me my last orders. That was the first time I heard those words from the major. I don't know what it means and Mink deciphered it so easily.”

Jisung's face fell, a dawning look of understanding flitting through his features before it settles into a grim smile. “We'll give you a try then. Report to Minki tomorrow.”

“Thank you.” Minhyun whispers.

_The major shook his head, sliding down on the semi-intact wall on legs that seemed to have no strength left in them. “Your arms and hands are too badly burned, Minhyun. And I've lost too much blood. I'm deadweight at this point. Just...run ok? And...and when you get out of here...live...live and be free.”_

_Minhyun remembers cursing his useless arms “No!!! There's no way I'm going to let you die!”_

_He remembers trying to pull Jonghyun by biting his uniform and leveraging his weight. But Jonghyun was a full-grown man and Minhyun had lost too much strength already._

_“Stop.”_

_“Stop already, Minhyun.” Jonghyun shouts. “Just go.”_

_Jonghyun had pulled him down until Jonghyun's mouth had hovered near Minhyun's ear, his laboured breath hot against Minhyun's cheeks. He smiles at Minhyun and whispers, “Live, Minhyun-ah and be free.”_

_“Please.”_

Minhyun was surprised to feel something wet coursing down his cheeks. 

_“From the bottom fo my heart,” Jonghyun had said, smiling as he pushed Minhyun away, “I love you.”_

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. I debated on who would be who but I thought, given a situation where Jonghyun was born into a loving household, he'd have a lot of kindness to give as the youngest sibling. He has that sort of Cold exterior, warm heart going for him while Minhyun sometimes gives off the vibe that he's close to everyone but maybe putting people at arm's length? (Obviously not in real life anymore, Minhyun is that adorkable dude who's just great at everything but let me keep IcePrince!Minhyun for just a little bit longer.)
> 
> I am sorry if it doesn't live up to expectations. I simply watched the anime and thought how it would fit 2hyun >.<
> 
> 2\. SORRY FOR MAKING JONGHYUN'S SISTER A BITCH. It's an imaginary sister ok???
> 
> 3\. I believe Lu and I are even now. It's a crap fic to get even with but we're even 8D


End file.
